Sunday, March 27, 2011

In or Out?

Yesterday's meeting was great! Gave me much to think about, and made me realize how much I "need" the support of others. This program has been full of ups and downs for me, I started out doing everything by the "book", which is what I always do. I tend to start something strong, love it, then burn myself out. Chris asked us to think about other parts of our life, do I just tend to do this with my nutrition, or everything... With me, it's most everything. I start something ie; knitting, scrapbooking, join a gym, diet, have a certain routine, garden etc. I start out great, really stick with it, but at the first sign of something going wrong, or I take a misstep, I have the HARDEST time getting back to it. Which has happened here.
I went to Ft Wayne, took a 2 week mental, emotional, break from this, and I have struggled ever since to get myself back on it. I am not going to lie, I have had days where I have wanted to give up, and say to Hell with it, I am OVER this.  It has been a real internal struggle. I almost have. But then I think about

WHY...
Why did I start this in the first place?
Not because I was happy right? No, because I wanted to change, I wanted to be HAPPY, I wanted to change my life.

Was this program what I thought it was going to be?
Absolutely NOT! But Chris warned us right? What in life is easy? Look where easy has gotten me...

Do I feel good about the changes i have made so far?
YES! I am not perfect, and these weeks for me have NOT been perfect, but who is perfect?

Am I the only one that struggles?
NO! I am not alone, that is what these meetings are about! To let us know we are not alone, but can push through our obstacles. We have the support system, Chris gives us that. We just have to use it. Kelly and Sherri have been through this, they know what they are talking about. The rest of us are going through the same thing! It is amazing just a comment from someone can make you look at something totally different.

It's funny, when I began the program, I thought why are all these other's that have already been through the program, going through again... If it works they should be done, haha.... Now I know... This isn't an easy fix, It's not weight watchers, It's a life. This is my life. I am not perfect, I will mess up, I will fall, I am still growing, and learning. I have 32 years of practicing the lifestyle that got me here in the first place, it would be a miracle if it only took 12 weeks to void that.

But... what a great start to the next 32 years of my life!

Thank you to all in this program. Thank you Chris.
Namaste

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Excuses, Excuses...

I am full of excuses this week...
Can't seem to get back into the groove... My sleep is off, my eating is off. I am trying to get back into the groove with my workouts, it's been a rough week... I did choose to run instead of attend Saturday's meeting. It was nice to be outdoors and I needed the release. Today's strength workout scares me, lol... can't wait to try it tho.
Great job everyone on your runs this past weekend! I was thinking of all of you!

Monday, February 28, 2011

New Day

Ok. It is a new day. Nothing has gone as planned since I have been up here (as far as "me"goes) I woke up this morning feeling good. Not good about the last few days, but it's a new day a fresh start. It may not be perfect, but I am ready. No excuses. No more wallowing in my self pity. What was I thinking?!?! I have worked too hard to get this far and treat myself like this! Thank you for your support, and words. I really needed the boost. Sherri, You are awesome! You don't know how awesome! Mary Beth, you know me so well. I am so glad to have you in my journey!
One day at a time!!!!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

well...

Ok I am going to be honest here, I am not doing so well. I am stress eating, not getting my sleep, not getting my exercise, feeling guilty about eating this crap, but not guilty enough to stop. I have been PMSing on top of all of it. I am ready to come home. Still so much to learn about myself. I thought I could be ready for this. One more week, one more week, one more week....

Thursday, February 24, 2011

sailing?... sinking? floating?

It is much harder to "sail" than I thought! Wow! I am up in Fort Wayne now, it is day 2. I went to the grocery and stocked up on good stuff. Breakfast and lunch is easy, it's dinner that is the hard meal. I went out last night, and chose well. Then my mom ( For those who don't know, my mom and I produce The Fort Wayne Home and Garden Show) orders Carrot Cake for desert... hmmm... The waiter brings an extra fork and tells me I am going to want a bite... Boy was he right! We ended up sharing the piece. I say it could have been worse, I tracked it, hopefully I am over it, I don't have those "guilty" feelings I normally would have. I don't feel bad, I ate it, it was good, and I am ok with that... I'm not going to totally blow this whole thing just because of it. Every year when I come up here, I always treat it like my away time, my break from the usual. I don't have my family here, I spend a lot of time going to dinners etc. I don't feel bad about having a glass or two of wine, and don't feel bad about all of the treats we have here at the show. Its once a year right? This year is different, I had water with my dinner, and I am ok with that. I even found that doing meditation has been easier. I have no usual distractions. Anyways... it's only day 2, I am sure I will have my ups and downs, but blogging about it, at least makes me feel accountable ;)
Hope everyone is having a great week!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Girl Scout Cookie Time! Ha

Thinking about yesterdays meeting, Chris was talking about emotional eating etc. and learning to deal with our issues in other ways. I was thinking maybe that's why I feel so drained, with all of the stress of my work, and busyness of my life I am not turning to eating, though I do think about it. I have got to quit letting myself get ultra hungry, because all I think about is what I can get into my mouth. My daughter is in Girl Scouts, and there are cookies in the house. I wanted to eat a box of thin mints yesterday sooo bad! But I knew it was because I was super hungry, and tired, and have had a bit of a rough week. So I didn't touch them.  I grabbed handfuls of raisins, a spoon of peanut butter, and a banana instead. Plus to top it all off I came home from the meeting yesterday to our fridge not working. Things were already thawing in the freezer, so I had to deal with that, and we had to go out and buy a new one. But I didn't stress out about it like I would have before, It is what it is, and I dealt with it. I think the most stressful part of getting a new fridge was trying to get it in the house with my husband. We don't always work so well together when it comes to things like that, lol. I did get a good strength workout in though, HA!
So anyways... these next two weeks will be different. I am going to try and be prepared as I can be, make the best choices I can, and try not to stress if my day isn't perfect. Life isn't perfect. It is what it is right?
Have a good week, I am off to deliver cookies ;)

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

whew

I feel like this week has been a whirlwind! Still going strong! Been getting up early to get my workouts in before I have to go to work. Because I have NO time in the evenings right now. My son is on the swim team, and both kids are in scouts, so I don't have an evening free all week. No insights lately, just trudging through my days, taking one step at a time, and trying not to stress about the small stuff. Hope to see everyone on Saturday! Enjoy the weather!